It is becoming ever more apparent that some of my closest friends no longer wish to speak to me. I say this with a fair amount of certainty simply because after months and months of sending emails and calling and texting, I have heard nothing back....not a single thing. It is devistating for me to have to accept that these people have written me out of their lives completely. They were some of my best and closest friends and for some reason they no longer want me to be part of their lives. I think this is more distressing to me than I ever would have imagined because I am fiercely loyal to my friends...always. It takes a unique type of person to tolerate me for any lengeth of time so when I find the people that I can get along with I make truely strong friendships. And now it would seem that two of them have come crumbling down, and I didn't even realize they were breaking.
You might think that this proves that we weren't that close of friends to begin with, but that would be completely untrue. They were my sisters, my roommates, my confidants. The last time we talked I thought things were still okay, doing great with one of them actually, and then nothing...no communication.
It is awful that people who I was so close to for so many years could be upset with me and not talk to me about it. That they could just one day pretend that we had never been a part of each others lives. It feels like a part of myself, a part of my soul is missing without them. They were a part of my life, and I miss them terribly. I just hope that they can forgive me, or at least talk to me again...one day.
30 June, 2008
20 June, 2008
Confessions
Today feels like a good day for confessions. Things that I think are burdening my soul. So here are a few confessions on a Friday afternoon:
1) I have Aqua on my iPod, and its not just one or two songs, its like two albums. I know this will probably paint a big red x on me socially, but I have to get it out there to begin the healing process. Accept the fact that I like Aqua, and no matter how socially unacceptable it is I am going to continue to sing along at the top of my lungs (while safely contained in my car so no one else must suffer).
2) Another musical confession: the Spice Girls. All songs, all on my iPod, every song listened to daily. Slowly I am coming to terms with my bizarre musical tastes.
3) Odd OCD tendancies (this isn't a major confession to some people who actually know me). My small OCD tendancies are becoming more and more prevelant and they manifest in very strange situations. I have all of my lotion arranged by smell then by name alphabetically (I also have my movies and cd's alphabetized), however, the same system does not apply to my hundreds of books, which are arranged haphazardly on several bookcases. I think its more fun when they aren't arranged perfectly its like a little treasure hunt. No idea why my OCD applies to some things and not others.
4) I still have all of my old stuffed animals...all of them. Dont kid yourselves that this is some minascule number, my sis and I got dozens and dozens of them when we were little. I just can't bear to part with them...hey I dont want to be totally friendless and alone.
5) I dont like my food to touch. Ever. No idea why, there is just something very off putting about it. If one food group touches another on I am not eating that part. End of story.
Ahhh I feel so much better now. It is so nice to finally get those things out there, free them from my subconscious so that I can get back to reality. Heehee. Have a great weekend!
1) I have Aqua on my iPod, and its not just one or two songs, its like two albums. I know this will probably paint a big red x on me socially, but I have to get it out there to begin the healing process. Accept the fact that I like Aqua, and no matter how socially unacceptable it is I am going to continue to sing along at the top of my lungs (while safely contained in my car so no one else must suffer).
2) Another musical confession: the Spice Girls. All songs, all on my iPod, every song listened to daily. Slowly I am coming to terms with my bizarre musical tastes.
3) Odd OCD tendancies (this isn't a major confession to some people who actually know me). My small OCD tendancies are becoming more and more prevelant and they manifest in very strange situations. I have all of my lotion arranged by smell then by name alphabetically (I also have my movies and cd's alphabetized), however, the same system does not apply to my hundreds of books, which are arranged haphazardly on several bookcases. I think its more fun when they aren't arranged perfectly its like a little treasure hunt. No idea why my OCD applies to some things and not others.
4) I still have all of my old stuffed animals...all of them. Dont kid yourselves that this is some minascule number, my sis and I got dozens and dozens of them when we were little. I just can't bear to part with them...hey I dont want to be totally friendless and alone.
5) I dont like my food to touch. Ever. No idea why, there is just something very off putting about it. If one food group touches another on I am not eating that part. End of story.
Ahhh I feel so much better now. It is so nice to finally get those things out there, free them from my subconscious so that I can get back to reality. Heehee. Have a great weekend!
04 June, 2008
New Family Member!
I have a new family member...she is 11 weeks old, and so cute its ridiculous. Her name is still in limbo, but right now it is Pandora.
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