14 May, 2007

Sugar and Spice

So as it turns out I've been very angry lately. For no good reason, with no excuses to offer for myself I've just been angry. Between an ex that doesn't know how to quit while he's ahead and other vague and uninteresting problems with my life, there never seems to be a time when I can just cool down and simply enjoy things the way they are. One alarmingly noticable incident of my growing hostility came last week. I just wanted wine with dinner. Just a nice glass of white wine that I've been saving for the last 6 months for no special reason. It of course was not chilled. Fine! Stick it in the fridge and get dinner going, I have a wine chiller (which is a fabulous investment by the way) so its not a crisis situation. So 20 minutes later when my pasta is ready and salad made I take out the wine chiller. Clearly the bottle in the fridge is not ready so a quick round in the newest gadget is warranted. And low and behold the power cable is no where to be found. Are you kidding me?! I just used the thing 2 days ago and now the stupid cord has magically disappared! Long story short this episode turned into a 15 minute search for the cord, determined to find it. Still didn't find it, by that time dinner was completely cold and no longer appetizing at all (I made the meal to go with the wine, no wine...no meal). So I trashed the whole idea and that was that.
Yes, I realize looking back on it now, I may have over-reacted just a tad...okay a lot. But that gives you an example of my state of mind lately. And that is about average, there have been worse episodes and there have been less dramatic ones ( those usually involve me muttering insulting or unfriendly things under my breath to people who I'm not totally sure were trying to offend me in any way), but generally that's been about the norm. You can imagine how much fun this has been for my friends/family. But they love me anyway (mostly).
And then this weekend the awful feeling just kind of evaporated. I don't know where it went, and certainly don't want it back. Partially responsible for this change in mood is a...what I can only call acceptance...of the way things are. I spend too much time trying to fix things, line things up in neat rows so that I know what to expect and know for sure that I'm in charge. Then I realized I'm not in charge. Not all the time anyway. And every time I try to stack the deck, or make others play the game my way I lose, and I'm talking big time lose. So I decided, the hell with that. I'm happy with me, who and what I am. I love my job, despite all of the crap that can go on there. Life right now, for me, is pretty good. And once I let go of that need to know everything, things just felt better. I agreed to go on a double date with a guy I hardly know, which I have here to for refused to do because of previously mentioned reasons, and it was actually a lot of fun. And as he pointed out (and surprisingly it didn't totally piss me off) I was very friendly and very funny, and actually a sweet person when I wasn't trying to be such a bitch. So yay me!
So for any one who has noticed the increase in my vile moods, or had to suffer through hearing about them, I apologize. At least for the moment I am much better, and sincerely hope to remain that way, at least for awhile. I mean lets face it I can't be nice all the time...what would people think of me LOL.

10 May, 2007

Have you ever?

Its been one of those days. Nothing seems remotely interesting, and though I've run around like a crazy person all day trying to get crap done it feels as though I've accomplished absolutely nothing. Some days just turn out to be sadly unfulling, and usually leave you wanting more. There have been highlights in my day, I have a lifesize carboard image of D-Wade (he's a basketball player) and today my cube-mate Adam and I took turns shooting him with an airsoft gun, yea that was a good time. Just wondering if you've ever had one of those days, and any advice for getting out of that funk.