What a waste

Its the day after Christmas and my office is a tomb, literally I've seen 10 people here today out of about 400 that work in my building. Seriously, is there a purpose for being here today. On the up side i get to go home early, so I guess I can't complain to much.
How was your Christmas? No really, give it some thought. Was it everything you'd hoped for, or where you sadly disappointed? Why do you feel that way? I love Christmas. I know some people have let the growing commercialization of the holidays jade their view of the festivities, but I stubbornly refuse to let that happen to myself. Granted Christmas Eve was a partial disaster, but that's largely due to one particular individual in my family...we will call her the stepmonster. She always manages to ruin at least one holiday by being hateful and nasty to either my sister or I, and this year she so graciously picked Christmas, and also targeted me for most of her spiteful hateful commentary, which I appreciate ever so much. My dad remains completely oblivious to her behavior but he's about the only one, so it manages to make everyone else tense, uncomfortable and irritable. She's like a hemrroid really....perhaps I will start calling her hemrroid, heehee I like that. However, after that painful event the rest of the holiday was superb! I got some really excellent gifts, and everyone was really pleased with what I had given them. Even though we didn't manage to get liquored up and play cards we still had a really good time.
My friend Bitch #1 got married, the ceremony was completely beautiful, and we all had so much hairspray in our hair that coming within 2 feet of any open flame had the potential to be highly regretable. My favorite part was one of our bridesmaid presents. All 5 of us, and the bride rocked out some 80's style leg warmers! Laugh if you will, but they were completely fantastic! They even matched our dresses, which makes them that much better, we were even inspired to do a really terrific redition of one of the dances from Flashdance (its a movie...go out and rent it).
December has been a really good month. Soon it will be January, and we will begin the tedious journey through another year. Well might as well look forward to the great things to come. Cheers!!

Christmas Time

Last night was a Christmas spirit sort of night. I put Miracle on 34th Street in, gathered my wraping paper supplies and presents and sat infront of the tree and did some wraping. Every once in awhile I caught myself staring at the tree. The silver, gold, and crystal of the ornaments catching and relecting the lights of the tree, making it sparkle and dance with light. It amazes me how much the sight of my Christmas tree twinkling in the dark can still fill my heart with hope. When I was little the tree always entranced me. Its presance in our house meant that everyone was usually happy, and that good things were just around the corner. No matter how awful anything else was, Christmas was always a good time of year, it was always something happy. Things have changed quite a bit since I was a little girl watching the lights on the tree, but the feeling seems to be the same. Its comforting to know that there are still things in my life that I carry from childhood, symbols of joy and hope and expectation that can still resonate with my soul. To know that the "real world" hasn't jaded me so much that the soft twinkle of Christmas lights can still touch my heart.

Its either that...or I just really like getting presents. Heehee, I'd like to think that its both.

Programers are funny

I got this error message while I was reviewing upcoming ads when I tried to view an ad from yesterday. This just proves that programers (well some of them) actually do have a sense of humor.

Preview time is before current time. Traveling back in time, thoughtheoretically permitted by the theory of general relativity, is not permitted in this context.Please adjust time to after 4:07:41 PM.

SO EARLY!!!

Black Friday is not a favorite day. I don't understand why people would brave the crowds, and the insane traffic, just to get bashed around in a store they didn't really need anything from. As for me I'm sitting here at my desk at work...I've been here since 3 am monitoring and reviewing our online ads for Black Friday. There was no way I was going to be able to drag my ass out of bed after only a few hours of sleep I decided to just stay up. The realization is fast setting in that I am just too old for that type of shinnanigans. I'm very very tired. Perhaps I'll write more later. I need to try to focus on something to stay awake lol.

The women in my life

Yes, I realize that the title of this post might imply that I have some salacious lesbian gossip from a newly formed gay alter ego, but that isn't what this post is about (I like boys thank you very much!). This is actually about the females in my life that I have the privialge of calling dear friends, despite their weird tendancies. Let me lead you on an adventure into my friendships with them....(and no they are not in any particulare order of importance, actual there is no order at all)

Lets begin with Bitch #1. She and I have been friends for an indeterminate number of years...actually I think its something like 6 but I'm not entirely sure. We went to collage together, and associate with the same group of randomly geeky yet totally loveable group of friends. I am Bitch #2 to her Bitch #1. This is not arbitrary, there is a reason she is #1. We both have tempers, and we both have a vile and often cruel sense of humor. However, whereas I have the ability to control some of my mouthy, I'm trying to be a bitch tendancies, Bitch #1 has very little control...at all. Don't get me wrong, she does have directional control...if she wants to aim the bitchiness at you, make no mistake it will not go directionally flying out of control and land on some innocent bystander. It is impart because of this special bond of bitch-tastic goodness that we are friends. Our bitchiness makes us laugh. As an example we spent a good 30 minutes last night laughing so hard we were crying while talking about a house getting egged and the funny sounds marbles would make if you dump them into someone's gas tank. She's getting married soon and I get to be a bridesmaid, I guess that just proves that bitches of a feather flock together LOL.

Then there's my girl in Houston...just for fun we'll call her Houston. I've known Houston almost as long as I've known Bitch #1. We went to college together, and she is part of the geeky yet totally loveable group of friends. Its funny, while we were actually at school together we werent really super close. We hung out, but almost never just one on one. Actually I think the only thing we did just the two of us was our student loan exit seminar at the end of our senior year lol. We graduated and she moved back to the Springs. Then she moved again...to Hungary. Its amusing that the farther away she moved the closer friends we became. While she was overseas we talked nearly everyday. I knew her joys and sorrows of life over there, and she knew mine of living in Nebraska. I know now the great friend I missed out on all those years in college. She is the girl I can always convice to go on a shopping spree at Facsinations and have a great time playing with all the little gadgets ;-). We are both very random people who enjoy talking to each other in high born english accents for no apparent reason. Houston is also getting married soon...to a man she met in Hungary, but who was actually from Texas (see this is the kinda of randomness I'm talking about) and I get to be bridesmaid for that one too! It makes me sad that she lives so far away, but I have not given up yet! She'll be here in December and I'm going to kidnap her and make her get a job here! Ha take that Texas!!

Interesting little tidbit

So funny thing happened last night. I got elected Mayor. Yea I know, weird right. Technically I'm mayor pro tem. Basically I will serve as Mayor if for any reason the current mayor is unable (out of time, busy, etc) or unwilling, which I have the feeling is going to be a lot. It's very odd. I'm only 24 and I'm an elected official. Next stop...white house baby!!! LOL, hey it could happen.

More to come when i can think of something more to write about.

All Hallow's Eve

Happy Halloween Everyone! Its always a fun day at work when Halloween falls in the middle of the week. My cube-mate and i have been decorating for the last two weeks, and today she made a cat litter cake! It was fantastically disgusting, and oh-so-tasty too! Hope everyone has a great day!

October

This month has been an interesting journey. During the first two weeks of the month two very special and greatly loved peole in my family died. I loved them both very much and definitely wasn't ready lose either of them. But life is what it is and you have to learn to accept the temporary status with which we are all granted. Nothing is forever, and I just have to come to terms with that. I still get teary eyed thinking about them, what each of them brought to my life, and how my experiences with them helped shape me into the person I am today. I also found out that one of my friends from Nebraska passed away. She was only 26 and it was very sudden, she had stage 4 lung cancer that the doctors didn't detect until it was too late. But in all the sadness there were good things too. I got hired on as a permenant employee at my job. Nope, I wasn't permenant before...its a long story, but I am now and I'm really excited about that. And I've had Caleb by my side through the whole thing. Being in love with someone, truly in love, for the first time is a thrilling thing. He is my best friend, and has been there to comfort me through all of this miserable-ness, which I appreciate more than I could ever really tell him.

The year is flying by at a terrifying pace. Michelle's wedding is a little over a month away and Chelsea's wedding is exactly 6 months from today (that means that my half birthday was 4 days ago...for some reason I always send myself flowers on my half birthday...its a fun way to celebrate the mundane, guess I'll have to send myself belated flowers heehee). I've been back in Colorado for a little more than a year and I couldn't be happier about it. I missed everything here so much, and I'm glad I figured out where I belong...at least for the moment.

Well that is my little update on what's been going on here. I'll try to think of something funny or amusing to share soon, try to lighten things back up around here.

Goodbye may seem forever

A good friend of mine told me today that you should celebrate the life of a loved one, not mourn their death. Although I'm not totally ready to embrace that theory yet, I need something to take my mind off of the sadness. I love my great grandma, she was an amazing person, and had one of the fiestiest German tempers of anyone I've ever met. I have so many good memories of her while I was growing up. So in an effort to focus on the happy times I will write a few of them here. Perhpas in the years to come I will be able to look back on this and smile and remember how much it helped me get through that first day.
Grandma Obie babysat my twin sister and I when we were little. It never failed that the second we walked in the door, and right before we left we would each get a lemon drop. It is because of her that I love those little candies so much. Grandma would always ask our mom's permission before giving us sweets and my sister and I were so proud of ourselves when we learned how to spell lemon drop by listening to her ask mom's permission. Our pride was short lived however, when we found out that "c a n d y" does not spell lemon drop.
She made us care bear costumes for halloween. She made each of them by hand, as she firmly believed that sewing machines were cheating. They had these huge heads with holes in the mouths were our faces showed through and "paws" to cover our hands and shoes. She even embrodiered a care bear symbol on the tummy of each outfit. I remember being so incredibly warm that halloween because those things were ridiculously well insulated heehee, but we were the only kids that didn't have to wear coats over our costumes that year. I still have my care bear costume, and one day I will be able to let one of my children wear it.
Her apartment complex had a game room. In the game room was a pool table that she would take us down to play with. We never got to use the cues (for obvious reasons that we were twins and sisters and would have used them to smack each other) but we had endless hours of fun shoving the balls into the pockets. And she would sit there with us, just letting us play as long as we wanted.
Grandma Obie always kept a big plastic molded bag...almost like a big plastic beach bag...full of toys in her closet in the apartment. There wasn't anything fancy in the bag, but those toys kept us out of her hair and out of trouble for as long as she would let us play with them. I still remember which closet door you had to go to to get the bag of toys.
My sister and I always called her Grandma Obie (her real first name is Martha and her last name is Oblander...but her husbands nickname was Obie so that's what she wanted us to call her). It always frustrated us so much that my cousins called her GG. We could never figure out why they called her that. It wasn't until we were about 7 or 8 that we realized that GG was short for Great Grandma, but we still didn't understand why they didn't just call her Grandma Obie like the rest of us. Hey I never said we weren't a tad self centered as children heehee.
There are a hundred other memories I could write down, a dozen more stories I could tell you about what she was like, and who she was. But those are the ones that always seem to come to my mind first. I am still sad that she's gone. She wont get to see either Chrissy or I get married, she wont be able to hold her first great great grandchild. All the things we had known she would always be there for will happen without her sitting there with us. I know she will always be watching over us, and it helps to know that she will still be there scolding us when we've done something wrong. That at least is some comfort. Things will get better, and it is nice to be able to smile some today. Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.

The Relentless march of Fall

Fall is coming. Saying this out loud, or just typing it, makes me sad for the summer that has gone by. This summer had so much potential, so many opportunities for so many wonderful things and now it is all but gone. There is an elm tree in our parking lot at work. I look at it quite often as it is right outside my window. Today it seems to be yelling to remind me that the blissfully warm days of summer are drawing to a close. This message is displayed in the beautiful yet tragic changing of its leaves. The entire left side of the tree is yellow, while the right side remains a deep green. The middle is sort of a blend, a mottled transition between one season and the next. That really kind of sums up how I feel about today, a mottled transition between the week and the weekend. It makes for a very blah and kind of apathetic day really.

Then let amorous kisses dwell

I really like this poem so I thought I would share. Catullus isn't nearly as appreciated as he should be...


Song 5 to Lesbia
~Gaius Valerius Catullus

Come and let us live my Deare,
Let us love and never feare,
What the sourest Fathers say;
Brightest Sol that dyes to day
Lives againe as blith to morrow,
But if we darke sons of sorrow
Set; O then how long a Night
Shuts the Eyes of our short light!
Then let amorous kisses dwell
On our lips, begin and tell
A thousand, and a Hundred score
A hundred, and a Thousand more,
Till another Thousand smother
That, and wipe off another.
Thus at last when we have numbered
Many a thousand, many a Hundred;
We'll confound the reckoning quite,
And lose our selves in wild delight;
While our joys so multiply,
As shall mock the envious eye.

Window seat please...

Its moving day at work. About every two years or so they restructure positions within the company and give everyone a chance to pick a new job, and give almost everyone a new place to sit. Well I'm keeping my job, but getting a new place to sit. We work in cubicle land. Sure a lot of people have real offices with real doors, but most of us have to live happily ever after in our doorless, windowless little corners of the office.
My new cubicle has a window....a big one! Its almost sad how excited I am about this. And in all honesty I do have some right to be, getting a window is a big deal. Some of the other assistants have been here for 3-5 years and have never even come close to a window...even a view of a wall with a window in it.
So is it slightly pathetic that I'm excited about having a window as one whole wall of my cubicle...yes. Am I going to let that diminish my joy in the situation....nope I'm sure not!!!!

Sharing Silence

I really enjoy having someone to share silence with. In nearly all of my relationships, whether they are friends, family, or boyfriends, it seems that there is always a constant need for noise, for interference to fill the space. It isn't a bad thing, mostly my friends and I just have a lot to say to each other so there is very little silence when we are together. I never really appreciated how nice it can be to just exist with someone else in the room. Without a need to babble, or talk, or make any noise at all, to just sit together. It rained last night while I was with Caleb. We were sitting on the couch, each reading our own book, commenting on parts we thought were interesting or silly, and it started to thunder. He put his arm around my shoulders and I laid my head against his chest and we just sat and listened to the storm. It was okay that we weren't talking, we just sat there and shared the sounds of the storm, and the comfortable silence that existed in the house. I never thought I would enjoy that so much, but there was something about just sitting there that was more meaningful than an hours worth of conversation.

I wasn't always okay with stuff like that. Until recently I was very much a "keep to yourself" kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I love going out with my friends, and being around people I enjoy, but mostly I just wanted to sit in my room, with a good book and a warm blanket and just be with myself. I attribute this largely to the fact that I had been single for 10 months...the longest stretch of time since I was in the 7th grade. I wanted, and needed, that time to become comfortable with me. I needed to get to know the Rachel that wasn't attached to a boy, that didn't have to worry about anyone's happiness but her own, that didn't have to make excuses for whatever guy she was dating. Some of that time was really hard on me, after having been in one relationship or another for so long it was really hard to get comfortable with the fact that I didn't have to have a boyfriend to complete my life. I missed loving someone, and having someone to love. But the more I looked at it, and thought about it, I don't think I ever really loved any of them. Don't get me wrong, I loved parts of their personality, I loved certain things about who they were, but I never really loved any of them for all that they were, or all that they weren't. I only loved the positive things but never loved who they were with flaws. And conversley I don't think any of them really loved me either. There was always something about me that wasn't enough, or wasn't good enough. Accepting that actually brought me a lot of peace about my direction in life in general. The last few months have been easier. I don't feel the need to seclude myself just to get away from everything. I don't feel odd hanging out with friends that are dating someone. It also allowed me to start this new relationship with fresh eyes, and a happier outlook. I am falling for his flaws just as much as I am falling for his perfections. Its such a nice change to be accepted for all the things that I am...but also for all the things that I will never be. I finally know what it really feels like to be happy in a relationship.

On a wholey unrelated side note, I found out this weekend that my ex has moved back to Colorado. This news entertains me a great deal. Mostly because a large reason I left in the first place was his all out flat refusal to ever move back to Colorado. Now I find out that not only did he move back, but he is living with his parents. It would seem that for all the lectures about his need to fulfill his dreams he never had the ambition to make that happen.

I always wondered

In a rather random conversation this weekend I came up with a list of some of the things I always wanted to know...I share them with you now in hopes that someone out there will be able to answer one or two of them for me:

Why was Smurfette the only girl smurf? This question has plagued me since my childhood.

Why did the Jetsons still have highways in space...and traffic jams? Its space for crying-out-loud!

Another Jetsons question. When the policeman pulls you over in space he has an air helmet on much like astronauts wear now...but the bubble dome on George's car always just lifts right up. Why does the cop need an oxygen bubble, but the vacuum of space doesn't suck George's brain out of his ears without one?

Who gets to have vending machines in the white house...coke or pepsi? I wonder this because in the vast majority of buildings you have to pick one or the other. If this is how it works for the white house does the President get to pick which vendor gets to bring frosty beverages in?

Was bugs bunny a transvestite or was he really just messing with Elmer Fudd?

Does the fact that your finger fits perfectly in your own nose, but not nearly as well in someone elses' prove that there is a God...or does it just prove that we spend too much of our childhood with our fingers up our noses?

If anyone can provide any nuggets of wisom regarding these dilemas I would welcome them!!

Good Things Come...

To those who wait. I can't tell you how many times I've been told that. That I need to be patient, that when I'm meant to have something it will find me and I need to stop pushing. I hated hearing that. Mostly it was because I didn't like being told to give up trying for the things that I want. I'm usually a "doer," if it isn't happening the way it should or not happening at all I try to find a way to make it. I hold fast to the belief that there is always something you can do to change your situation. However, nothing I was doing was making what I wanted happen, or making the non-existant situation better. Until I stopped trying. I just let it go. I will not even try to describe how incredibly difficult that was. That was about 3 weeks ago...I just quite trying. And wouldn't you know it, here I sit, with exactly what I worked for so many months to try to get, and I did nothing to make it happen...I just was. Its still very new, so clearly I'm still in the stupid happy phase, which I expect to wear off any day now lol, but i'm really hoping it doesn't. As much as I want to tell you about all the cute, seemingly insignificant stuff that goes on that makes it special I will refrain (for now lol), mostly because I know very few people who will read this will actually care. But for now lets just say that more than any piece of jewelry or expensive gift you can give a person, its the little gestures that you make every day that can truly make a person feel loved.

Calvin and Hobbes

Sometimes its important not to worry about the little things...

Daily Horoscope

Usually I read my horoscope every morning. I almost never put stock by it, but sometimes I just find it interesting. This is what mine said today: "Taurus: You may consider expressing a feeling that has been locked up, but it could bring up complex relationship issues that you would prefer to avoid for now. Even if you want to share a profound emotion, you might be conflicted about how much to reveal. Let logic be your guide for now and don't show too much until you are more comfortable. "
This got me thinking...is there really locked up feeling that I have about a relationship? Is there something I have been avoiding telling an important person in my life (I assume its an important person as I don't really have profound emotions about people that aren't important to me.) I actually spent a little time thinking about this, if there was a danger of me randomly blurting out an important feeling to someone I wanted to know about it before they did. The first thought I had was "I would really like some cottage cheese." However, that was completely unproductive when considering the above statement, so I chose to ignore it (heehee come on laugh, I thought it was funny, and yes that's really the first thing I thought).
This actually proved to be a very productive reflection. I am, sometimes terrifyingly, honest with my friends, at least my very close friends. If I care about someone then I am going to tell them the truth and tell them what I think and feel, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me or them. Its important that people know how you feel about them, so many people live to regret not saying certain things for one reason or another. I have told people I loved them, even when I know they don't love me back (because lets face it who doesn't want to be told that someone loves them); I've told several of my friends that they are ridiculous, or assholish, or self centered. I'm not ashamed of having told some of my friends the things they didn't want to hear (especially the self centered one) because as important as it is to compliment them and tell them nice upbeat things, its also important to tell them the not-so-happy things. Too often it is hard for people to see how their behavior is hurting others, not because they don't care, they are simply just too close to the situation. Sometimes is good for someone else to hold up the mirror to your face, and make you look at the things you didn't want to see. There are very few cases where honesty will ruin a really good friendship. Although I'm more open with some of my friends than others, I still tell all of them the important things, the really meaningful things that I think and feel.
So after all that rambling, I've decided not to worry much about today's horoscope. Maybe there is something that I am just not ready to admit to myself that I feel about someone I know. But on the whole I am confident that they all know the important things that I would have to share with them. Life is just too short to keep things from people you care about.

Just one of those days

For no good reason I'm very sad today. There is nothing in particular that has gone wrong today or this week, I'm just sad. I think part of it may be that one of my really good friends is going home to Houston. I got to spend some time with her this weekend and last night which is great, but I'm sad that she's leaving again. She makes me laugh, and those people seem to be running short these days. Perhaps that's it. I haven't been able to sit down with friends and just laugh and have fun in a long time. I also finally admitted that some of my friends will just never be there when I need them to be. Perhaps I was demanding to much of them, perhaps they just dont have time...I dont really know and I'm tired of trying to worry about it. Maybe its a good thing, perhaps now I will get better at dealing with my life on my own, and I wont need to turn to anyone but myself for consolation and reassurance. That would certainly be different, who knows...maybe it will be better.
Even as I try to put my finger on it now, sitting here writing, I can't quite decide what is wrong with this day. Maybe its just everything, all the things that didn't happen and should have, all the things I want to happen that never will. Perhaps the weight of all of those things has finally filled me, finally made itself really known. I feel like its choking a part of me, like its stilling the breath in my lungs. Hopefully writing it all down and getting it out will ease that a bit, let me breath around it again.
I have been thinking about my ex a little lately. He called about 2 weeks ago just to talk. We ended, or I should say I ended, the relationship almost a year ago, in September it will be a year. Talking to him made me realize that I do actually miss him. Not really the relationship because that was mostly awful, at least toward the end, but him as a person when things were good and we were friends. I hate that I didn't try harder to stay friends with him. I needed to make a clean break, to move past that part of my life and try to heal some of the damage that was done to my soul, and my heart. That conversation was the first time I've talked to him since last September. I'm sad that it got to that point. It was awkward talking to him, but we talked through it and by the end of the conversation it was better, not great, but better. I hope that we can be friends again, he was a really good friend. It feels good to be able to say that to everyone, and no one. That I can admit that I miss him, but not that I miss him as a boyfriend, that I really do miss him as a friend and know that it is okay. That I don't have to feel any animosity or anger toward him, that part of things is over and I've fixed all that can be fixed at this point. That is just...better. I don't like hating my ex's. Though there is one I will never forgive for what he did, I don't hate him...I pity him.
Hopefully getting all of this out will help, I don't feel like I'm drowning in this feeling anymore and that's always nice. Maybe tonight I will have let some of it go, knowing that its not something I have to worry about. Maybe...

Completion

Well its finally finished!! After over a month of work the jewelry box that my grandpa and I made is finished. Its a monster lol and much bigger than we ever intended for it to be, but what the heck, I think its completely gorgeous!

A really fun shirt

For some reason, perhaps just because its Friday, but this t-shirt and the accompanying text made me laugh really hard. (the text is for the fire and water shirt)
Wear this shirt to: your Alchemy Club meetings.
Don’t wear this shirt to: a party at Earth & Air's place. They'll feel snubbed.
This shirt tells the world: "I'd rather be wet than on fire."
We call this color: Hot Wet Asphalt.

MUDD Volleyball

I love volleyball, it’s my favorite sport followed closely by football of course. I've been playing league grass volleyball since May, and court volleyball before that. It is really my sport of choice. And now I get to add a new dimension...Mud!! The March of Dimes has an annual MUDD volleyball tournament and I'm going to play in it this Saturday! I am really excited to get out there and get dirty for a good cause.
Of course the list of things we need is ridiculous...like shoes and clothes we are completely willing to throw away, and duct tape to keep our shoes on, and garbage bags or plastic for the seats of our cars...what kind of mud is this anyway!!!! Looks like I'll be suffering through a cold hose shower when I get home, cause I'm not cleaning that stuff out of my bathtub if they are telling me it wont rinse out of my shoes! Overall I am actually really looking forward to it, who doesn't like playing in a giant mud pit for a good cause!!!

Progress

The second image is after the second coat of finish!!! Hooray its almost done!

Projects

I am a very family oriented type person. There is nothing more important to me than my family, and by this I am including second and third cousins and great aunts and uncles because I know them all. So some people might think its strange that I spend so much time with my grandparents. But I enjoy it...so get over it ;-). My grandpa has a woodworking shop. It isn't huge, but its got enough toys that we can make pretty much any piece of furniture you could ever want (as long as it doesn't need apolstery). He hasn't been able to get into the shop for awhile so he wanted a small project to start back up again. Immediately I put in my request for a jewelry box. Basically there is a waiting list of projects, and it was my turn to have something made, however, getting the box in is cheating because he is starting on my real project (a cedar chest) as soon as we are done with this. So for the last month on weekends and evenings we have been making a jewelry box for me (in canary wood). And last night we finished the construction! All that is left for me is some sanding and putting the finish on. I also carved a wooden rose (in walnut, and yes it really was me that carved it! My first try at carving wood too!) to fix to the top of it. Its a lot bigger than we originally anticipated, and we even included a removable tray on the inside. All in all its a gorgeous box, and it was great that my grandpa and I made it. Now I will always have that from him. I couldn't have asked for a better project.

I shouldn't

Today is not what I would call one of my best days. This is largley because I had a moment of forgetfullness about why I don't go out on weeknights. My friend was in Denver yesterday which is great cause we haven't been able to hang out much lately. What began as having coffee turned into going with him to Westminster to hang with one of his friends. Under normal circumstances this would have been very awkward for me. I don't generally like to "hang out" with people I dont really know, and am usually very quiet and pretty much just keep to myself in these situations. However, one very strong vodka and cranberry juice tends to loosen even the most rigid of individuals up and I was soon laughing and talking freely with everyone. I actually had a good time (which kind of surprises me...its not that I'm not a nice person or that I don't like parties, its just that I tend not to be particularly accepting of people I don't know), and was rather shocked to look at the clock and see that it was already 11. Just a little side note for you kids, thats REALLY late for Rachel on a weeknight. So we loaded back up into the car (don't worry by this time I was perfectly sober) and drove our happy asses back home. Much to my friends surprise I didn't leave with anyone's number lol.
That little story leads me to my real point. I am completely worthless at work when I've had less than 5 hours of sleep. I am grouchy and feel unproductive, even though I am still getting plenty accomplished. I generally have a very negative attitude about all things in general, yea that's how I feel today. Perhaps the solution is that I need to stay out later more often, I am clearly out of practice.
Nah that wont work, I think my deep enjoyment of sleep would unanimously reject that option. Oh well once in awhile doesn't hurt, and hanging out with this particular friend is always worth it lol.

Things that make you go hmmmm....

There are several blogs that I read on a regular basis. Sometimes in my wanderings through the blog world of my chosing I come across something that lights my board, or makes me think. One such blog is by my...well she's not really a friend yet, more like an aquaintance, hopefully we will be friends but I digress...anyway her name is Ang. She posted a list of all the things she is grateful for, things that make her happy. This got me thinking about the things that brighten my world (its nice when posts can make you think of happy things). Her list included some deep things like religion, freedoms, and safety. These are all very good things. Unfortunately the more I thought about my list the more I realized the things that make me happy are much more random lol. Not to say that I am not thankful for all of my freedoms, and my relative safety, but in some measure I think I take these things for granted. I think the concepts of freedom and safety are too broad to really and truly make anyone happy. So in the interest of sharing...and in the interest of perpetuating good ideas from other blogs...here are some of the things that made my list (in no particular order):

1. Peanut Butter
2. comfy pj pants
3. really good wine
4. my motorcycle
5. Quarters
6. all of my closest friends (you know who you are...i'm not listing you here just to make you feel important lol)
7. glasses with fun swirly designs
8. anything sparkley or shiney
9. delicate glass objects
10. the complete randomness of the people I hang with
11. Sarcasm
12. Puke and Snot and Dead Bob (No I'm not explaining it...if you don't know I can't help you)
13. Turning any thought into something dirty lol...shut up it makes me smile
14. Oreos and Milk
15. The really squishy mud in river beds, even though it makes your feet smell like dead fish its still feels really cool

So there are some of my thoughts on the things that make me happy in life, the things I am grateful for having. Make your own list...even if you don't post it or comment on it. Just let your mind wander around the things that make you smile even when no one else gets the joke ;-)

The Rose - revised

Occassionally I like to dust off some of my old poetry and re-work it, keeping what I liked and changing what no longer worked....

The Rose
A lonely stone upon a hill
Dark with night as time stands still.
A saddened place in time and space
The final end to a great race.
See the mist around the ledge,
It hovers like a ghostly hedge,
Upon the ledge there lies in pose
A lonely single bloood red rose.
They weep to see the stone like fire
In the night, a darkened pyre.
It speaks of fear, the end, and grief
Only in final rest is there relief.
The only life to linger here
Is the one thing that sooths the fear,
Upon the ledge there lies in pose
That single lonely blood red rose.
It speaks of life and hope and love,
Lifts us up on wings of doves.
Reminds us all that life abounds
Even on the coldest grounds.
A fragile gift of deepest red
To adorn this lasting bed.
Look and you will see the glow
Of the single lonely blood red rose.

Cream Soda

My sister and I are prats. Granted we are prats that make each other, and sometimes even other people, laugh really hard. The most recent example of our odd behavior is a conversation we recently had about Cream Soda. Yes, I realize you may be asking yourself how a conversation about cream soda can make two people seem like goobers...but trust me it can. {{at times I may be paraphrasing what was actually said}}
Sister: This had better be fabulous cream soda
Me: Of course it will be...look at the bottle, it screams sophistication.
Sister: {{drinks}}
Me: And...
Sister: Hmmm a very smooth flavor {{smacks lips}} with a rich caramel after taste
Me:{{sips}} you're correct, with a frothy foamy head that is very pleasing, yet not overwhelming.
Sister: This could possibly be one of the best cream sodas I've ever had.
Me: {{pauses}} do you know how many people would think we are goobers for this conversation?
Sister & Me: {{laugh because we know exactly how many people think that}}

We also manage to have very amusing and in depth convsations about what to fix for dinner (so you want potatoes but are making stroganoff...that's too much white on your plate it will look boring, you should probably make a different veggie). One our best friends has a habit of just sitting and staring at us when we go off on tangents like this, she refuses to believe that two human beings can actually talk like that about things as boring as cream soda.

Update: I knew there was a reason I loved my friends...upon reading this post a friend said to me "indeed, i would declare that conversation of my particular caliber of interest and thusly, it seems one of an intelligable nature. i do declare, it is such a glorious achievement in verse that one might say that one's own former expectations of cream soda have been dramatically altered." Hahaha this is why we are friends.

Its sad how true this little poem is for so many people...

I'm sorry I'll never be thin enough for you



I'm sorry I'll never be perfect enough for you to care about me



I'm sorry I'm too short



I'm sorry my hair is not the right color



I'm sorry my nose is the wrong shape



I'm sorry my breasts are too small



I'm sorry I don't have all the money in the world



But mostly I'm sorry that you will never realize that a wonderful person just walked by you, even if she didn't look like your idea of perfect.

The Powers that Be

Currently my family and I are fighting the "powers that be." What this means is that we are trying to reincorporate the town in which we live (Franktown) to remove it from country rule. Essentially we are trying to make our town a self governing entity again. And the county commissioners are fighting us...very very hard. According to Colorado state statues any town that was legally recognized as a town prior to 1874 can reorganize and "re-awaken" their incorporation and bypass current state regulations. As it happens Franktown was formally recognized as a town by the territorial government in 1864, so HOORAY! we should be able to incorporate no problem, right? WRONG! The problem we have been slammed up against is that there are a number of "large landowners" in Franktown with more money than you can shake a stick at that don't want us to incorporate. To give you an idea of what we are doing, the original town of Franktown (then Frankstown) was a mile square...think about it people, all I'm talking about here is incorporating a mile square of land. This square mile has 20 "official" registered voters. However, the landowners up to 10 miles away from the area we are trying to incorporate have a BIG problem with what we are trying to do. So to stop us, they are using their financial weight to sway the commissioners to their side. These people, who haven't lived in Franktown for more than 5 or 6 years, and have no appreciation for what we are trying to do, are trying to kill our hopes of self government. Their reasoning...they don't want Franktown to grow...EVER. They don't want new businesses, or a change in the landscape that they can view from their quarter million dollar home in the trees. You may be wondering why I'm so totally opposed to their view of the situation. Let me elaborate. My family has lived in Franktown for over 100 years. So while these people are complaining that they don't want their view ruined, they fail to realize (or realize and don't care) that when the 3 story monstrosity they call a home they completely decimated the view from our house. They don't want to understand that by incorporating we are trying to save our town. Save it from being swallowed by Castle Rock, or Parker, or even Elizabeth someday. We want Franktown to stay Franktown, we don't want it to dry up and become a ghost town and we don't want it to lose its identity to one of the bigger cities that every day creeps closer to our borders. Franktown is still a small town, one of the few left this close to Denver, and now we might lose it forever. When we filed legal action in District Court a few weeks ago, the County Commissioners filed a petition with the State Secretary to abandon the town of Franktown, as well as several other small hamlets within Douglas County. They want to officially declare us non-entities, they want to say we are not now, nor can we ever be an "official" town. Perhaps its just me, but this is very reminiscent of a 3 year old throwing a fit. The citizens of Frankstown are standing together and telling the county seat that we wont be told what we can do with our land, or risk having our land condemned so that they wealthy newcomers can have a pretty park against the river (which is what they are threatening to do with my families land). And because we are a perceived threat to their autonomous power they are trying to say we never existed. It saddens me more ever day that our government can be bought. That it isn't always about the rights of the people, be they the few or the many, its about the rights of those with the deepest pockets. That people can have more respect for a dollar, then they do for a town with 120 + years of history that will just fade away into nothingness if we don't do something for it. I want anyone who reads this to ask yourself, what would you do to save your town. Is the place you live important enough to fight for? We know our town is worth fighting to save, even if we lose the fight in the end, at least we'll know we tried.

Perhaps you remember, or perhaps not, my mention of a date I was supposed to have back in December (wow that seems like a long time ago heehee) with Aaron. Well we are finally going to give that a go tonight. There will be pasta involved, and cheesecake...mmm cheesecake...and perhaps some random fun on his radio show afterwards. It should be a good time. You should listen in, it might be interesting!

Family Reunion

We had a family reunion today. Now most people would cringe and tell me how sorry they are that I had to attend such an event. However, I must tell you that I absolutely love when we all get together (well at least this side of my family). We laughed so hard all day that my face hurts. We also played a rousing game of lawn darts. Yes, I know you aren't supposed to have them anymore...but its still a fun game.

This is my uncle Rob...he was very good at lawn darts (I really suck by the way). We had second cousins, great uncles and aunts, girlfriends, and other various extended family members. Its a great time. So withouth further ado some more pictures of the day.

I got to be the grill master!!

The food was great. And there was a lot of it. In fact I think we still have a lot of it left.

Ya know, lawn darts really isn't that exciting to watch...but we tried.

Uncle Rob decided it would be a good idea to tackle Great Aunt Betty after she beat him in lawn darts. She was definitley winning at this point in the proceedings though.

It was a really good day. And I can't say anything bad about family reunions!

Sugar and Spice

So as it turns out I've been very angry lately. For no good reason, with no excuses to offer for myself I've just been angry. Between an ex that doesn't know how to quit while he's ahead and other vague and uninteresting problems with my life, there never seems to be a time when I can just cool down and simply enjoy things the way they are. One alarmingly noticable incident of my growing hostility came last week. I just wanted wine with dinner. Just a nice glass of white wine that I've been saving for the last 6 months for no special reason. It of course was not chilled. Fine! Stick it in the fridge and get dinner going, I have a wine chiller (which is a fabulous investment by the way) so its not a crisis situation. So 20 minutes later when my pasta is ready and salad made I take out the wine chiller. Clearly the bottle in the fridge is not ready so a quick round in the newest gadget is warranted. And low and behold the power cable is no where to be found. Are you kidding me?! I just used the thing 2 days ago and now the stupid cord has magically disappared! Long story short this episode turned into a 15 minute search for the cord, determined to find it. Still didn't find it, by that time dinner was completely cold and no longer appetizing at all (I made the meal to go with the wine, no wine...no meal). So I trashed the whole idea and that was that.
Yes, I realize looking back on it now, I may have over-reacted just a tad...okay a lot. But that gives you an example of my state of mind lately. And that is about average, there have been worse episodes and there have been less dramatic ones ( those usually involve me muttering insulting or unfriendly things under my breath to people who I'm not totally sure were trying to offend me in any way), but generally that's been about the norm. You can imagine how much fun this has been for my friends/family. But they love me anyway (mostly).
And then this weekend the awful feeling just kind of evaporated. I don't know where it went, and certainly don't want it back. Partially responsible for this change in mood is a...what I can only call acceptance...of the way things are. I spend too much time trying to fix things, line things up in neat rows so that I know what to expect and know for sure that I'm in charge. Then I realized I'm not in charge. Not all the time anyway. And every time I try to stack the deck, or make others play the game my way I lose, and I'm talking big time lose. So I decided, the hell with that. I'm happy with me, who and what I am. I love my job, despite all of the crap that can go on there. Life right now, for me, is pretty good. And once I let go of that need to know everything, things just felt better. I agreed to go on a double date with a guy I hardly know, which I have here to for refused to do because of previously mentioned reasons, and it was actually a lot of fun. And as he pointed out (and surprisingly it didn't totally piss me off) I was very friendly and very funny, and actually a sweet person when I wasn't trying to be such a bitch. So yay me!
So for any one who has noticed the increase in my vile moods, or had to suffer through hearing about them, I apologize. At least for the moment I am much better, and sincerely hope to remain that way, at least for awhile. I mean lets face it I can't be nice all the time...what would people think of me LOL.

Have you ever?

Its been one of those days. Nothing seems remotely interesting, and though I've run around like a crazy person all day trying to get crap done it feels as though I've accomplished absolutely nothing. Some days just turn out to be sadly unfulling, and usually leave you wanting more. There have been highlights in my day, I have a lifesize carboard image of D-Wade (he's a basketball player) and today my cube-mate Adam and I took turns shooting him with an airsoft gun, yea that was a good time. Just wondering if you've ever had one of those days, and any advice for getting out of that funk.

Lookey here!

Yup your eyes are true. I cut 7 inches off of my hair on saturday! Its super cute! Hooray! LOL

UPDATE: New Toy!!!

Here is a picture of me and my new bike!

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New Toy!!

Well, it's official. I bought a motorcycle this weekend. I know what you may be saying (something along the lines of crazy B$*%&). But I honestly do love it! At first I thought I was settling because it wasn't exactly the one that I was originally looking at buying. Then I took it out and learned to ride on it. And I must admit it is amazing!! I should be riding like a pro in no time. Well maybe not a pro, but at least really well. Everyone was very suprised, and very impressed that I learned to ride so quickly. I still need to get my permit, and then my motorcycle endorsment, but i should be ready for that in no time too! Anyway I was really excited (now that I've officially made the decision) so I thought I would share! Here are a few pics of what my bike looks like. Obviously they aren't my actual bike, but mine is the exact same color. I will have pics of me riding it soon!!

Just to make you smile

You can't look at this picture and tell me it's not totally precious!

Fitzy the Sloth

Once upon a time in a place not so far from here, there was a bornean tree sloth named edgar fitzgerald. Fitzy, as his friends (of which there weren't many) liked to call him, wasn't a handsome sloth, but he was kind and funny if you could pay attention long enough to hear the joke. Fitzy made his home in a very fine cecropia tree, with a big wide trunk and lucious green leaves. But the thing that made Fitzy different from all the other sloths was that he loved to sing. He had a deep baritone singing voice that should have made all of the girl sloths crazy, but more often than not just made them look at him oddly and whisper to each other about him. Now it could be that Fitzy's choices of songs weren't particularly popular, most sloths generally enjoy old ballads and soft lilting lyrics, but Fitzy had a style all his own. He had invented a kind of wild ride between jazz and reggae, it was fast paced and it was fun. No one really knows where Fitzy found the energy for these belting solos, but when the urge took him, nothing could slow him down. It was during one of these rousing performances that Fitzy sensed someone watching him. Not being the quickest of creatures, he looked around lazily, curiously trying to determine what might be making him feel this way. Then he saw it. A young leapord crouched in a tree, not 100 yards away from the boogying sloth. Unable to run away, Fitzy decided to try a different tactic. "Hey there spots!" he called out, "you got something hanging on your but." A low rumble started to eminate from the cat, and Fitzy had just about given himself up for dead, when he realized that he cat was laughing, swinging his majestic tail (the source of Fitzy's joke). The cat had actually been enjoying the music, for it is obvious that leapords are true swingers and love jazz, and had not even thought about eating this musical morsel. Jumping gracefully from one true to the other (a skill which the sloth envied very much) the leapord, whose name was Clarence, stalked over to Fitzy. Then with his tail he started thumping out a low beat on the trunk of the tree. Fitzy was overjoyed! He had never found someone that liked his music, let alone wanted to participate in making it. After several bars Fitzy started to belt out his favorite song. After five breathless minutes the song ended and the two of them slumped against the tree laughing. This was the life! Fitzy thought. Then the leapord said something remarkable. "I'm starting a jungle jazz club (the name of which is Jungle Jazz), and I would like you to headline for us!" Fitzy could only stare open mouthed at this huge cat, was he really offering him a chance to perform? "I will personally see to your transportation, and your safety," said Clarence. Well, as you can imagine, Fitzy could hardly pack fast enough. After several months Fitzy's popularity had grown to phenominal proportions, and he found a very attracitve monkey girlfriend named Lola. He never thought about those clueless sloths, who by this time were green with envy (and algea). Fitzy the star had arrived!

Law Dogs Forever...Forever Law Dogs.

Hooray for motorcycle clubs! Two of my best friends have started a chapter of the Law Dogs Motorcycle Club for Colorado. The short version is that it is a club for law enforcement officers, and those who respect what they do. The clubs goals are to promote safe and moral riding, a love of motorcycles, and to contribute in any way possible to the charitable organizations of our choosing. So as this post obviously implies, I have joined the High Plains Law Dogs MC. At the moment I'm just a Lady (a rider because I don't have my own bike yet) but someday I'll get to move my status up in the world {wink}. I'm also the club photographer, so it’s my job to catch people doing ridiculous, funny, and or memorable things without them noticing it! Good luck me. As a shameless plug for our group, we are hosting an event on St. Patrick’s Day. We are holding our first annual Poker Run in Eastern Colorado to benefit the Fallen Officers Memorial Fund. It should be a fabulous day of riding (or driving, you can bring a car if you want!) so you should definitely come out and hang with us. End shameless plug.
And now for something completely different. It DIDN'T snow this weekend!!! YAY!! Of course it still snowed some during the week...Thursday to be precise, but it wasn't the weekend and that means things are looking up. Plus the fat ground hog didn't see his shadow (mindless thought: what if the Phil is a liar, you know he is in that little fake tree trunk laughing his furry butt off at us right now) so perhaps we will have an early spring. This in Colorado seems to mean that instead of winter ending in June, this year maybe it will end in May. But on the up side, when Spring does decide to make an appearance everything will be greener than a leprechauns as....I mean its going to be really green here in the spring!