Time to reflect

Its been a year to the day that a huge part of my family left us forever. Try as I might I can't not think about it. So much has happened since then, so many things that they would have loved to see. My sister is going to have a baby in January, but they wont be here to hold her and shower affection on the newest member of their family. My great grandma would have loved to hold her first great-great grandchild and my great uncle could have showered her with affection. But they are gone, and all we can do is take comfort in the knowledge that maybe they are watching over us, standing beside us through this hard time and giving us their strength. I think the hardest thing has been trying to help my grandma through this, knowing that there is nothing I can say to make it easier for her to bear the lose of her favorite brother. I can tell that it is taking all of her willpower not to breakdown and scream and cry today. Losing great grandma was easier on her, easier on all of us, because she was 94 and had lived a long full life. But Uncle D was supposed to come home to Colorado to be with his family before he passed away. He had cancer so we knew it was going to happen one day, but we thought he was going to be here with the family when it happened, not alone in the hospital in Reno. No matter what today is going to be a hard day for our family. The most we can do is be there for each other, and know that each day, month, and year will get easier. This one is just hard because its the first.

Should have been inside

Yes I realize that I probably should have been inside, but who could pass up a chance to take pictures of a tornado that is right across the street from your house...

Non city living

This weekend was very entertaining. we spent quite a bit of time working on our new deck, and construction at home is always a joy. Pandora (yup that is officially her name now) had some very interesting experiences.
We have two cement deer (a buck and a doe) and two cement fawns under a really big spruce tree at the house. These two are very lifelike, and we keep them there to attract more deer into the yard. Well Pandora decided she was full of piss and vinegar this weekend so she spent a lot of time rocketing around the 4 acres that our house is on. Well for the first time she came in contact with the cement deer. I have never seen a dog put on the brakes from a full run like that. She stopped so fast she ended up doing a summersault. Once she got her feet under her again she was completely frozen in place. She stood there staring at these deer for at least 5 minutes before letting out one of her big girl howls (which always scares her), running forward to knock over one of the fawns, then came charging back up to the house in an absolute panic. It was hilarious.
My cousin also managed to capture an injured adolescent pigeon in our neighbors hay loft. So now we have a pigeon pet staying with us for another couple of weeks. She is amazingly tame, however she is driving the dogs absolutely bonkers...they are all hunting dogs, and having a pigeon that cant fly away that close is torture to them.
My sister's wedding is rapidly approaching, only 3 more weeks. I have firmly decided that weddings are too much work, and always stress people out no matter how simply you profess it is going to be. I think I will just run away.

The Unexplained

It is becoming ever more apparent that some of my closest friends no longer wish to speak to me. I say this with a fair amount of certainty simply because after months and months of sending emails and calling and texting, I have heard nothing back....not a single thing. It is devistating for me to have to accept that these people have written me out of their lives completely. They were some of my best and closest friends and for some reason they no longer want me to be part of their lives. I think this is more distressing to me than I ever would have imagined because I am fiercely loyal to my friends...always. It takes a unique type of person to tolerate me for any lengeth of time so when I find the people that I can get along with I make truely strong friendships. And now it would seem that two of them have come crumbling down, and I didn't even realize they were breaking.
You might think that this proves that we weren't that close of friends to begin with, but that would be completely untrue. They were my sisters, my roommates, my confidants. The last time we talked I thought things were still okay, doing great with one of them actually, and then nothing...no communication.
It is awful that people who I was so close to for so many years could be upset with me and not talk to me about it. That they could just one day pretend that we had never been a part of each others lives. It feels like a part of myself, a part of my soul is missing without them. They were a part of my life, and I miss them terribly. I just hope that they can forgive me, or at least talk to me again...one day.

Confessions

Today feels like a good day for confessions. Things that I think are burdening my soul. So here are a few confessions on a Friday afternoon:
1) I have Aqua on my iPod, and its not just one or two songs, its like two albums. I know this will probably paint a big red x on me socially, but I have to get it out there to begin the healing process. Accept the fact that I like Aqua, and no matter how socially unacceptable it is I am going to continue to sing along at the top of my lungs (while safely contained in my car so no one else must suffer).
2) Another musical confession: the Spice Girls. All songs, all on my iPod, every song listened to daily. Slowly I am coming to terms with my bizarre musical tastes.
3) Odd OCD tendancies (this isn't a major confession to some people who actually know me). My small OCD tendancies are becoming more and more prevelant and they manifest in very strange situations. I have all of my lotion arranged by smell then by name alphabetically (I also have my movies and cd's alphabetized), however, the same system does not apply to my hundreds of books, which are arranged haphazardly on several bookcases. I think its more fun when they aren't arranged perfectly its like a little treasure hunt. No idea why my OCD applies to some things and not others.
4) I still have all of my old stuffed animals...all of them. Dont kid yourselves that this is some minascule number, my sis and I got dozens and dozens of them when we were little. I just can't bear to part with them...hey I dont want to be totally friendless and alone.
5) I dont like my food to touch. Ever. No idea why, there is just something very off putting about it. If one food group touches another on I am not eating that part. End of story.

Ahhh I feel so much better now. It is so nice to finally get those things out there, free them from my subconscious so that I can get back to reality. Heehee. Have a great weekend!

New Family Member!

I have a new family member...she is 11 weeks old, and so cute its ridiculous. Her name is still in limbo, but right now it is Pandora.

Loving Colorado

I have lived in Colorado all my life and I will never get tired of the constant surprise that is Colorado weather. When we say if you don't like the weather wait 5 minutes and it will change...we mean it. Granted that might be a small exaggeration (sometimes) usually you have to wait 24 hours. Perfect example, it was 75 degress here today. Beautiful day, no wind, cloudless sky, a perfect late Spring day. Today it is 40 degrees and there's about 2 inches of snow on the ground. I had to laugh at one of the girls that I work with when she ended up in a skirt today because she put all of her winter clothes in storage and froze today...silly girl, but she has only been in Colorado about 4 months so she still has some excuse heehee.
The weather here always leaves you guessing and wondering what will come next. That's how you can tell Colorado natives from everyone else. I wore sandals today, fully aware that is was going to snow and be chilly, because in all reality 40 isnt that cold, and it is entirely possible that when I leave work in 3 hours the sun will be shining and it will be 60 which is perfect sandal weather. And really there is nothing cooler than my flower bed full of tulips covered in snow and they are still happy and loving life!

And the Winner is

ME! Well us really. And by us I mean my team at work. And by winner(s) I mean we just won a Nike + challenge against our partner company, a race to 500 miles, and we won!!!! If you don't know what Nike + is I am not going to explain it here, you should Google it though cause its good stuff. It is amazing what an efficient team builder that was. We interacted more, spent more time together trying to log in as many miles as we could, and it gave us a chance to understand each other's sense of humor a little more. Now my boss knows that I am just encouraging him to log more miles when I tell him he might have eaten a little too much for lunch, or that his feat look swollen from dis-use. Cause really I am that way. I have a cruel sense of humor sometimes and I don't always feel the need to hold it back. Next example, one of my co-workers (there are about 700 of them so this is actually a fairly vague description) came to work with not one but three hickey's on his neck. I have affectionately nicknamed him "hoe tag" because that's what a hickey is and he is basically one big hickey at the moment. I think this is hilarious, and even he is amused by it...however one of my friends thinks that its very cruel. Oh well...I think its funny so I will continue to call him hoe tag, after all it is better than tramp stamp. And now for something completely different....
My friend bitch #1 just left for the carribean to see her husband for two weeks (its a really long story) and a funny thing happened to her which I feel honor bound to relate to the blog reading world at large. Bitch #1 experienced every fliers worst nightmare...she got off of the plane and her luggage did not. For most travelers this is not the end of the world...you go to walmart and get some cheap stuff to tide you over until your luggage finds it way back to you. This was not a luxery she had. The Dominican Republic (oh yea that's where she is at in the carribean) is not famous for it plethera of Walmart locations so this made her situation slightly more interesting. I can only imagine the trepidation at facing what might be several days in the same sweaty travel clothes with no bathing suit (she did actually break down and buy a new one there...I'm sure none of them were as cute as the 8 she packed in her now lost suitcase). Her next little lovely surprise is that her hubby was not waiting at the airport to pick her up as he was supposed to be. She hasn't seen him since January, and sort of has this proclivity for things going her way, so i can only imagine how she greeted this little treasure of news. Turns out Hubby got "plucked" out of the customs area, questioned, and then held by customs because he didn't know where he was staying on the island. Seriously...he has been there for 4 months and he doesn't know where he is staying, perhaps it was best that Bitch#1 had to find her own way...clearly he didn't know where he was going either.
Once Bitch #1 found Hubby they did some sight seeing and some clothes buying only to come back and find her suitcase waiting for them. It too had been "plucked" from its correct place on the airplane for inspection (perhaps there is something funny about these two that the government knows and I just haven't picked up on....hmmmm). However, I feel I know why her suitcase was "plucked" from the plane. Bitch #1 and Hubby were only married about 2 weeks before he had to leave to go to the Dominican, they have not seen each other in 4 months, and Bitch #1 has been to Fascinations a couple of times aquiring new toys (also if you don't know what Fascinations is I suggest you Google it...or just don't ask...you might not want to know). I told her repeatedly not to leave the batteries in, to either keep them in a seperate pocket or just get new ones when she gets there. I can just imagine her forgetful self forgetting to take out the batteries, the plane hitting turbulence and 3 or 4 or her new toys firing up at once and nearly shaking the plane to pieces....yea I would have pulled the bag off the plane to. And even if that isn't why they really did it (which it probably wasn't) it is a much more entertaining story than her bag just being randomly picked out of a Samsonite line up. That's my version of the story and I'm sticking to it!!

And Counting...

My birthday is next Monday!!! Yes, I still get excited about my birthday (I will only be 25, I don't think thats too old be have a fun birthday). No I don't feel ashamed about telling people about it, its the day I was born if you can't be excited about that what can you be excited about?! Yes, I am planning my own festivities for that day, its my birthday and I want to do something fun, its too much to ask other people to try to guess what will make me happy that day. So if I know you and you would like to partake in the birthday fun let me know, and if I don't know you and you would like to partake in the birthday fun let me know!!!! LOL.

Today

I sat outside today, just to let the breeze touch my face.
Today was a day without a jacket, and without the cloudy gloom of winter.
It would be nice for time to just slip away
To sit and watch and listen, until I can't remember where I started.
To escape the time when I feel like a prisoner to my phone, and my computer.
I wish for that, and yet here I sit, the light of the screen on my face instead of the sun,
Why is that, is there really nothing more important that demands my time.
I can hear the whisper of Spring, its just outside but there is no way to reach it.
Perhaps it means nothing, just the restlessness of a Winter ending and a Spring within sight
Hopefully it is the beginning of a great adventure,
Something new and different on the horizon.
If it is will I be ready to face it, ready to accept it for all the wonderful things it is?
Or will I spend the time wishing I had my computer, or cell phone signal.
I hope not....things are so much better than that.

Your Honor

Well its official. Today at about noon I became the Mayor of our time. I was mayor pro-tem, but our mayor resigned her position today so I get moved up to interium mayor until we can have an election. Yea its weird...but I had to share it with the blogger world...or whoever actually reads this lol. Mayor at 24 (25 in April not that it matters)...perhaps I should start thinking about running for a higher office ;-)

A little nothing

I really have nothing to say in this post. But I feel duty bound to write a little something. My life really is fairly simple. I'm either at my house or my boyfriends, we watch movies a lot or I play video games. Every once in awhile we get a chance to play D&D with our friends (oh shut up, its a really good outlet for my over active imagination), and on Sundays we will go out and have paintball wars.
These little outings, loading up a couple of boxes of paintballs, a few full CO2 canisters and our guns and going out into Blackforest to have mini-wars, have been the most exciting thing to happen lately. Granted it has been a lot of fun. I'm the only girl that will go to war with them, and most of the time I'm one of the last ones standing. I've never really realized how nice it was to be female during things like that. We were playing a game of capture the flag, 3 on 3, and my teammate Dale and I were pinned down right next to the flag in some trees. All of a sudden Dale yelled beside me (scared the hell out of me too). "Holy shit he shot me right in the ball!" and he collapsed. Now I haven't kicked a guy in the baby maker since I was about 11, so I forgot how violently guys react to that. He rolled around on the ground for about 5 minutes and then crawled behind a tree and was sick. I was giving him a ration of shit for being a baby, until I got hit in the neck and it gave me a welt the size of my fist. Then I knew how he felt...well kind of felt, I'm sure getting one of your balls tagged by a paintball propelled by CO2 hurts a little bit more.
I've been a tomboy as long as I can remember. I had barbies but they spent a lot of time umm with GI Joe lol. They also had their feet melted to lightbulbs. I'm really not so different now. I hate pink, I dont wear dresses, and my boss says I have a very male attitude or point of view toward pretty much everything. So its with great consternation that I realize how girly I am in my relationship. His birthday was last week, and I promised to cook him whatever he wanted for dinner, and bake him a cake. Which I did...and I had fun. That's just wrong. Don't get me wrong I like to cook, but usually it isn't my first thought for someone's birthday. My idea of a good birthday for someone (other than the actual present) is great sex and pizza (no not at the same time). Then I found myself at the grill doing up two steaks and a couple of ears of corn on the cob (frozen corn on the cob is just not as good in case you were wondering) making rolls and scalloped potatoes and getting everything ready to make cake. It was frightfully domestic...and girly. Yuck. But it seems that girly moments are just going to happen every once in awhile now, all I can do is accept it and try not to draw to much attention to it if I dont' have to.
Ah well....such is life.